I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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