I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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