I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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