My boss' voice literally gives me gas
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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