Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
