he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
