I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm bleeding and have questions
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
