dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.