dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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