Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??

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(512): my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college?? http://tfl.nu/kvis

Replies (62) Good night (3814) Bad night (507)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.

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(405): i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy. http://tfl.nu/1yd9

Replies (19) Good night (3427) Bad night (763)
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(631): View more from New York

It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.

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(631): It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom. http://tfl.nu/aix7

Replies (48) Good night (6413) Bad night (1852)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america

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(302): Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america http://tfl.nu/uvbf

Replies (23) Good night (1628) Bad night (4885)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.

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(703): I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice. http://tfl.nu/crhq

Replies (7) Good night (3004) Bad night (1023)
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(224): View more from Illinois

Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.

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(224): Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day. http://tfl.nu/yhb5

Replies (39) Good night (4367) Bad night (975)
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(512): View more from Texas

Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice

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(512): Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice http://tfl.nu/6dv2

Replies (8) Good night (3045) Bad night (705)
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(253): View more from Washington

At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.

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(253): At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets. http://tfl.nu/s5np

Replies (9) Good night (3740) Bad night (653)
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(209): View more from California

His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.

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(209): His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired. http://tfl.nu/zopw

Replies (2) Good night (1113) Bad night (1044)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down

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(860): You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down http://tfl.nu/2dmo

Replies (4) Good night (761) Bad night (829)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.

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(501): I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary. http://tfl.nu/ro1x

Replies (3) Good night (516) Bad night (748)
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(727): View more from Florida

Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.

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(727): Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking. http://tfl.nu/0sjy

Replies (2) Good night (845) Bad night (376)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.

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(908): I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested. http://tfl.nu/1tav

Replies (4) Good night (862) Bad night (400)
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(760): View more from California

Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?

(760): View more from California

The other one.

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(760): Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée? (760): The other one. http://tfl.nu/3ull

Replies (4) Good night (229) Bad night (471)
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(561): View more from Florida

I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates

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(561): I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates http://tfl.nu/pbgm

Replies (4) Good night (431) Bad night (239)

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