Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

Pants 0. Shit 1.

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(607): View more from New York

Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..

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(614): View more from Ohio

Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.

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(631): View more from New York

He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(914): View more from New York

I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.

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(904): View more from Florida

I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.

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(845): View more from New York

He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon

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