Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?