So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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