so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
