If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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