Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
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he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
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I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize