I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am one with the molecules
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
