god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
