In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
