Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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