dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
