I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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