Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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