So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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