Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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