So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
