I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
