so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
