carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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