i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
