Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.

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  (404): I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00. http://tfl.nu/7rzt
  Replies (9) Good night (5249) Bad night (1158)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself

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  (808): I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself http://tfl.nu/wwe7
  Replies (12) Good night (1149) Bad night (3329)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.

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  (917): My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts. http://tfl.nu/py1e
  Replies (22) Good night (2178) Bad night (3514)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?

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  (704): I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right? http://tfl.nu/ljg3
  Replies (13) Good night (1168) Bad night (3883)
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  (916): View more from California

  Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?

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  (916): Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool? http://tfl.nu/8wpx
  Replies (15) Good night (6847) Bad night (1700)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?

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  (904): Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care? http://tfl.nu/9o7b
  Replies (25) Good night (4823) Bad night (2616)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.

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  (704): a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you. http://tfl.nu/45tv
  Replies (2) Good night (2898) Bad night (946)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.

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  (860): He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days. http://tfl.nu/v2o4
  Replies (18) Good night (5527) Bad night (1119)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?

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  (319): Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away? http://tfl.nu/h2kh
  Replies (10) Good night (3311) Bad night (811)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?

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  (765): is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible? http://tfl.nu/u49w
  Replies (14) Good night (678) Bad night (2208)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.

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  (905): His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines. http://tfl.nu/30ox
  Replies (9) Good night (941) Bad night (1945)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???

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  (907): Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed??? http://tfl.nu/qbm2
  Replies (20) Good night (2533) Bad night (625)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned

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  (519): You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned http://tfl.nu/faec
  Replies (4) Good night (1082) Bad night (489)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.

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  (540): There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong. http://tfl.nu/f8bz
  Replies (1) Good night (959) Bad night (345)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"

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  (985): She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!" http://tfl.nu/upma
  Replies (5) Good night (412) Bad night (200)

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