You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm eating all of the evidence.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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