If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?