My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now