what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I just shit out all my problems.