I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
