two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
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there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize