I just made out with a guy for $7.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
