i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
