I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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