Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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