walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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