Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
