What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
