I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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