Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
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Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.