I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?