I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
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He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??