You just made me feel so damn special
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
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just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
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My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.