Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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