Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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