News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
