Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
