i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
