I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
is that a dick in a sweater?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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