Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?