Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.