so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
