I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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