I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
