So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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