Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I stole a fireplace last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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