I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
