just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
