I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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