I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
